During dinner Josie asks to go to the bathroom. Because she's five (and I had to go too) I accompany her. We arrive at the restroom door and Josie informs me that she can go in by herself- she's a big kid now. Of course that didn't go over well with me (plus I had to go too) so she settles on using her own stall by herself- because she's a big kid now. We meet up again by the sinks and she insists on getting her own soap, turning on her own water, and washing her own hands- because she's a big kid now. So I merrily set off to washing my own hands (because I had to go too) and meet up with her at the towels. Again, she gets her own towel, dries her own hands and starts to make her own way back to our table. And that's when it hit me- she's a big kid now. Don't get me wrong- she's been pretty independent for quite a while. Going into a stall by herself or doing most of the hand washing isn't a new thing. But normally I get to hold a stall door shut because she can't quite latch it, or I get to remind her that automatic flushing toilets aren't really that scary, or I get to give her a boost to reach the sink/soap/faucet. This time she didn't need me for a single thing. NOTHING.
So I mope my way back to the table and Josie continues playing tic-tac-toe on her place mat and talking about all of the fun things she wants to do over the weekend. I continue to mope. Then Josie is talking about how much she liked to sled and that she'd like it if we took her to a really big hill and let her go all the way down by herself. Me? Still moping. Then she starts telling an elaborate story about what she'd do if she ever got lost in a store. By this point I'm still moping and begin to panic about what I would do if I ever lost her in a store and start looking for the waitress in order to request a drink- and a strong one at that.
Josie begins to realize that my mind is wrapped up in something else (vodka and a strange hallucination of me running wild through Target looking for my lost child) and asks if something is wrong. Yes dear, something is wrong. You're a big kid now. When in the world did that happen? I tell her how proud I am that she can do so many things by herself and that I love how willing she is to try new things but I comment that I'm afraid she doesn't need me anymore. Josie promptly replies that she'll always need me because some day I need to snuggle her babies and right now she needs me to teach her science. Science? Really?
Now on one hand Josie is speaking directly to my nerdy side. After all, I am impatiently waiting for the day she starts Algebra. And the diorama assignment? Bring it on! Science experiments? First place all the way! Paper mache Earth? We'll do the whole solar system! And physics? Can't wait!
On the other hand Josie's talking to her momma, who is ready to watch her soar but still wants to keep those wings clipped just a bit longer. While I'm thankful for our experiences up until now and equally excited for what is yet to come, part of me wants to just s-l-o-w down a bit. So far I'm taking everything in stride- I handled Kindergarten registration a few weeks ago just fine. Josie asked to grow out her bangs and I said sure! I'm not worried about changing to a daycare center this fall, or meet the teacher day or the first day of school. But then there's someone else to teach her science and she really won't need me! I just know that once we start the next phase there's no turning back so I want to cherish every moment of our little world right now.
In the meantime science it is! We've already conducted a couple of experiments and I'm searching the web for even more. She can't get scare me off that easily! And if we make it through these experiments too quickly I'm starting her on the periodic table! Then she'll really need me. Or will she hate me? Darn it- where's that waitress with my drink?
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