Four knee surgeries since 2004. Four. Two of which occurred just six months apart. Approximately one full year's worth of time on crutches. Twelve full months. Yuck. Now another one (actually two because it can't all be done in one) is under consideration. How does one even know what to do?
I'll tell you what I've done. Submitted the surgeries for pre-approval and gone about my life. Then recently decided that a 60% chance of a reduction in pain (and no estimates of exactly how much of a reduction but its a salvage surgery do they're not optimistic) after 18 months of recovery just isn't worth it. So I rejoined the gym last week to try and strengthen so muscles. Went three times. Three.
Sounds reasonable, right? But now, at the end of one week and three workouts, I can barely move. So I can go to the gym and struggle with pain the rest of the day, or I can not go to the gym and still struggle with pain the rest of the day. Seems silly to go when getting out if bed in the morning can be just as painful as 20 minutes on the elliptical.
It's difficult to be 33 years old, a mother, wife, and former athlete who struggles to walk her child to the park. Or take a trip to Target. Or the zoo. Or rake the yard. Or carry laundry upstairs. Or even imagine another trip to Disney. I think the Polar Plunge only works out because its like an ice pack for my knee (ok, for my whole body- but it really is fun, I promise!).
Maybe it's just because today is particularly tough, or maybe it's because I'm focusing on how much I already miss out on, but I'm feeling like its time to make some changes. For one, the gym is done. No more seeing a McDreamy lookalike during my workout. Number two, I probably need to stop trying to move like a 33 year old and instead try to embrace my 80 year old knee. That will be a challenge- even with all the pain. And lastly, I need to make sure Brent is on board to carry my purse when I start using a walker. The backpack may have been cool with crutches but I don't see many old ladies wear them. Oh, and one more thing, I need to pick up some tennis balls. Can't have those back legs sticking on anyone's floors.
Look- you can even pimp out your walker!
So, I'll get you a pk of each color for your Birthday this year....variety is the spice of life! I'll wrap them as four packages so it looks like you're getting lots of gifts! Hang in there, Babe! Just remember, being able to walk endlessly and jump and run and kick a soccer ball isn't just what you are all about! Time to lighten up the pain using resources available and learn how to enjoy a full life using that amazing brain and personality you have working for you! You go girl! Grama
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